If I Could Tell Her
by MelodyGrace1809
Summary: New Chapter, Only Us! Adrien fakes his suicide to be Chat Noir full time, not being able to handle "Adrien" anymore. Marinette immediately can't live with the news. Chat goes to see her, when she's on the verge. Based off the songs "if I could tell her" and "only us" from Dear Evan Hansen.
1. If I Could Tell Her

"I just don't understand why he would... do this?!" Marinette cried in frustration, curled up in a ball on her bed. She put her hand on Adrien's photo, the face she would never see again, the smile she would never enjoy again.

"And I was so stupid! I never told him how I felt. I could have... I could have helped him. Saved him. I was being so selfish." The tears wouldn't stop, but she mustered the energy to climb through her hatch onto the balcony, arms collapsing as she pulled her body onto the cold tiles.

It was dark, and chilly, but she didn't care. She had taken off her earrings and set them back into the box, reluctant to even think about being Ladybug now. She knew she was risking akumatisation, but she didn't care at this point. She scrambled to her feet, and weakly walked to the rail, grabbing it before her legs gave way.

Three days ago, Adrien had fallen asleep, and never woke up again. They found a short note saying he couldn't handle the world anymore. Since, Marinette hadn't left her room, hadn't eaten, showered, nor spoken to anyone, not even Alya, or her parents.

It took every ounce of will in her body not to just fall down off the other side of the railing. The only fresh air she had gotten was from constant visits to the balcony.

"What difference does it make that I'm still here?" She yelled into the night air, mist bellowing in front of her face as the words left her mouth.

She didn't realise a dark figure invisibly hiding in the night shadows, until he flicked his collar, and pounced onto the rail on the other side of the balcony. The bell echoed into the night.

"It makes a difference to me." He whispered. Marinette turned around and froze.

"Chat...Noir?"

"You're sad about Adrien Agreste?" He could easily tell.

"In what way do _my_ feelings matter to _you_?" Marinette felt more tears welling up and a burning sensation in her throat as she uttered the first words she had said to anyone in three days.

"I, uh..." he paused, smiled on one side, then continued. "I happened to be quite... close... to him."

"And I was in love with him." Marinette tried to be blunt. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know if you know, since I've heard that you haven't shown up to school in a few days, but Paris is going through an Akuma attack, a pretty bad one too. Someone else who was close to Adrien. It's lasted a couple days." There was confusion and almost anger in his voice. "And Ladybug... She hasn't shown up."

"What if...?" Marinette thought out loud, thinking that it might not make a difference anymore if he knew the truth.

"What if?" Chat echoed her.

"What if Ladybug wasn't coming back? What if she's gone?"Marinette suggested.

"Then I guess you and I are in the same position. But why wouldn't she come back?" He questioned. They stood in silence, until Chat gasped, making Marinette shudder. "Do you know Ladybug?" He asked, looking back over Marinette's face. She was now staring at the ground, but nodded.

"Do you know why she doesn't want to come back?" He developed his original question. Again, she nodded, biting her lip.

Before asking his final question, his eyes wandered to her ears, where he realised something was missing. She always wore the same black circular earrings, but now they weren't there. His ring had a cloaking mechanism, so the black earrings could easily be...

"Marinette... you're ladybug?" His voice cracked. She let out a breath that she didn't realise she was holding.

Chat didn't know what to do, he felt weak inside. He had been ignoring the love of his life, passing her off as just a friend. For so long. And now he had left her, selfishly faking his own death and not thinking about the people he was leaving behind.

Slowly, he took his hand, and softly touched the bottom of her chin, lifting her head. His other hand took one of hers. Her entire body was weak, he could tell. The outline of her eyes were a dark mixture of red and black. Her deep ocean eyes stared into his, welling up with more tears.

He knew, she was the one he loved.

"He thought you were... awesome." He whispered.

She frowned slightly. "He thought I was awesome? Adrien Agreste?"

"Definitely!" He replied, unsure of where he was going with the statement.

"How?" Her voice was filled with desperation. She didn't believe him, not yet.

"Well..." he began hesitantly.

"He said...  
There's nothing like your smile  
Sort of subtle and perfect and real  
He said...  
You never knew how wonderful  
That smile could make someone feel"

"And he knew...  
Whenever you design things  
You secretly sign in your name  
And he noticed  
That you still scream and cheer  
When you win your favorite video game"

"But he kept it all inside his head  
What he saw he left unsaid  
And though he wanted to  
He couldn't talk to you  
He couldn't find the way  
But he would always say"

"If I could tell her  
Tell her everything I see  
If I could tell her  
How she's everything to me  
But we're a million worlds apart  
And I don't know how I would even start  
If I could tell her  
If I could tell her" he spilled it all out. There was a long pause as she processed the information.

Then, she broke the silence. "Did he say anything else?"

"A..about you?"

"Never mind, I don't really care anyways..." it hurt to hear, but she needed to know.

"No, no, no..just, no, no..he said..he said so many things, I'm just..I'm trying to remember the best ones. So, um.." he didn't know why suddenly he was stuttering.

"He thought...You were really brave, and you'd do anything to save and help the people you know and you love."

"He did?"

"And he couldn't spend a single day, when you weren't who he was thinking of."

"But he kept it all inside his head, what he saw he left unsaid"

"If I could tell her  
Tell her everything I see  
If I could tell her  
How she's everything to me

But we're a million worlds apart

And I don't know how I would even start  
If I could tell her

If I could tell her"

She took a step back, realizing he was so close. This would be her dream, if this was all true, and she really wanted to believe it.

"But what do you do when there's this great divide?"

"He just seemed so far away" Marinette added.

"And what do you do when the distance is too wide?" He continued, unphased.

"It's like I don't know anything" she cried.

"And how do you say... I love you?" He brushed her loose messy hair behind her ear.

"I love you" He went to grab his ring.

"I love you" he pulled the ring off, and detransformed. Plagg immediately flew to the floor, not wanting to be involved. Marinette's eyes widened more then possible in disbelief.

"A-Adrien?" She cried, tears flowing once again.

"I love you!" He called out, and pulled her wet face to his, closing the gap between their lips. They stood there, and Adrien could feel her sobs, despite her still kissing him back. He pulled away, and she smiled.

"But we're a million worlds apart" they whispered together. "And I don't know how I would even start."

"If I could tell her." Adrien pulled Marinette into a hug this time, and she melted into it. He whispered into her hair. "If I could..."

"I'm right here, Marinette."


	2. Only Us

"Miraculous, Ladybug!" Ladybug shouted, throwing the lucky charm into the sky. She was exhausted, seriously. That akuma attack must have been the worst she'd ever faced, not to mention how late she had turned up to the game. At her feet, black bubbles surrounded the villain, who turned back into herself. Nathalie Sancouer.

"Pound it!" She held out her fist to meet Chat's, then collapsed onto the floor. Before she knew it, press were surrounding her, as well as medics.

"Where have you been for the past 3 days?"

"What happened to you?"

"Ladybug, are you okay? Do you need a doctor?"

Before she could answer, the world turned black.

* * *

Some medics came to pick up Ladybug, but Chat shooed them away angrily. "She's going to transform back in a couple minutes. Let me help her." He growled.

"But Chat Noir, If Ladybug is incapable of handling akuma attacks, what if someone else-" Nadia began.

"I MEAN IT!" He shouted. "She's just fought a difficult akuma. Let her rest. I can handle her." He picked up the limp heroine, and turned to Nathalie. "Are you okay?"

She rubbed her head groggily. "I, uh, oh no! I was akumatised!" She exclaimed, somewhat suspiciously. "You know, I've looked after Adrien like he was my own son since his mother disappeared. Now that he's gone..." Chat's eyes widened. He wasn't used to hearing how much Nathalie cared about him, though it was more common than his father. He almost felt bad.

"I'm sorry." He choked, throat burning, then jumped away with a sleeping Ladybug in his arms.

He landed at her balcony, dropping through the open hatch onto her bed. As if on cue, pink light sweeped down her body to reveal Marinette, who looked much worse without the mask covering her pale face. Her little Kwami, Tikki, flew out and fell onto the bed beside her owner.

"I'm glad Marinette changed her mind about being Ladybug, but she's exhausted." Tikki whispered, eyes closed.

"So are you!" Chat replied as he closed the hatch. He checked to make sure the trapdoor was locked, then searched for food for Tikki. When his own miraculous transformation ran out, he fed Plagg some Camembert he had in his pocket, then gave Tikki a cookie from a jar he found under the table.

"I hope she changed her mind properly..." he mumbled as the kwamis scoffed their food, obviously happy to be together again. "Why isn't she awake yet?" He placed his hand on her forehead; it was freezing. She was breathing, but very faintly.

"She'll wake up soon, she just hasn't slept in a long time." Tikki replied, seemingly trying to convince herself too.

It wasn't until the next morning that she actually woke up. Fifteen hours later. He had stayed by her side, checking her regularly, and trying not to fall asleep. The most troublesome bit was when her mom came knocking on the trap door, trying to comfort her, and said she would leave some food for her outside.

Once he was sure she had gone, he unlocked the door and picked up the food, to not seem suspicious, plus he figured she'd be hungry when she woke up.

He somehow drifted asleep at about 3 in the morning, beside her. A few hours later, he felt movement beside him, and it woke him up.

"Adrien? What happened, I though we..."

"You're awake?! Finally! Phew." He pulled her into himself, not ever wanting to let go. "Um, I.. your mom left you some food last night, so it's there for you if you want it." He signaled at the table.

"Thank you, Adrien." She smiled.

He shifted nervously as she stumbled towards the tray of food and back to him. She was so weak, shaking, but not as much as yesterday.

"So, Ladybug is coming back for good?" Adrien attempted hopefully. Marinette sat down beside him as if he hadn't said anything, and sighed, taking a slow bite of bread and chewing for what seemed like an age.

"Marinette?" He tried again. They hadn't spoken much; everything had gone so fast.

Suddenly, she burst out, "Well, I don't have a choice, do I? Adrien... he's gone. At least everything thinks he is. You may not know this, but a lot of people loved you. You don't think we're gonna have like a thousand akumas to deal with now? I mean-" she was cut off by a knock on the harch on the floor.

"Marinette, any chance you want to come down and help us? We're making a big batch of macarons for Adrien's... um, family.." Tom called, trying not to mess up his words. His daughter definitely got her clumsiness from her dad. "We know how much you like to make macarons, so...?"

Marinette didn't say anything. She just put another bite of bread into her mouth. Adrien tapped her shoulder, confused, but she simply shook her head.

"Look, I know you're sad that he's gone but... it'll be okay in the end. We're all here for you." He eventually sighed. "Okay, we'll be downstairs if you feel like it." His loud footsteps echoed as he walked away.

"I don't get it, Marinette. I'm here, why are you still..."

"No, Adrien, _I_ don't get it. Why would you do it? _How_ did you do it. Did you not think about how it would make people feel? How are you going to survive, feed your Kwami, feed yourself..." she trailed off as she saw his face, a sad smile painted on it.

"I guess it was selfish of me." He frowned. "But I have everything planned... I... I just couldn't handle being myself anymore."

"What do you mean?" She whispered, wide eyed.

"Have you ever felt like... just, disappearing? Not dying, but just not being yourself?" He tried to explain. She shook her head. Figures, she was always such an optimistic person.

"My mom... she disappeared about a year ago. My dad... he's never been the same. He's always been so cold, but it's worse now. School... is great, and I miss my friends, but I think it's worth it." She didn't seem to understand. "I know she's alive. This way, I could get away from my boring repetitive life and I can be Chat, save the world, and in my spare time, I can try to find a way to defeat hawkmoth, AND look for my mother!"

He knew it would sound crazy. But it's all he had. "I'm sorry, and I know people are upset. But we can work together, and maybe this will bring us closer to finding Hawk Moth. I mean, he won't suspect me... So, I used this medicine, it basically makes you seem dead for a day. Like in Romeo and Juliet. They buried me, and, well CATACLYSM!"

Marinette sat staring, open mouthed, until she finally reacted. By slapping him. Hard.

"Me-OUCH!" He held the side of his face in his hand.

"You hurt me!" Tears were falling down her cheeks now.

"No, No! Marinette, please! Princess! Don't cry. He released his face and instead used his hand to cup hers, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry... you must hate me."

She looked up at him, suppressing sobs. "I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you."

"I don't need you to search for the proof that I should. You don't have to convince me. You don't have to be scared you're not enough. 'Cause what we've got going is good" she smiled at him. He didn't seem to believe that she accepted him. Yes, she was upset, but he was here and that's what she cared about.

"I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken. I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget. Clear the slate and start over, try to quiet the noises in your head, we can't compete with all that"

"So what if it's us? What if it's us and only us, and what came before won't count anymore or matter? Can we try that?" Any moment when he believed that just because he hurt her, that she didn't love him? He would be extremely wrong. She had promised to love him no matter what a long time ago. Except now it was better, because she knew so much more about him.

"What if it's you, and what if it's me, and what if that's all that we need it to be, and the rest of the world falls away?"

"What do you say?" She tried to smile. His face lifted.

"Marinette, will you come with me?" He asked, instantly almost regretting it. "We could... we could go and be together, fight Hawk moth and his villains together! I'm staying in an old warehouse of my father's across town, I've got enough stuff to keep us..." he sounded insane, he was sure of it. But he needed her too.

"I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me." She never had believed that Adrien could love her back. This was her dream. But to leave her friends and family? It would just seem that she killed herself because he did, well, she was almost going to. But... still.

"So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go" It was all going so fast. If she said yes, she'd be leaving her family, friends, school and life. But if she said no, she'd be losing her love, one of her reasons for living, and it would be hard to go fight akumas with him in the future.

"But if you really see me, if you like me for me and nothing else. Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer that you could possibly know"

"So it can be us, it can be us, and only us, and what came before won't count anymore or matter, we can try that." Adrien cried. "It's not so impossible. Nobody else but the two of us here"

"'Cause you're saying it's possible" Marinette's head felt like a see saw, back and forth between 'go' and 'stay'

"We can just watch the whole world disappear." He looked so helpless. "'Til you're the only one I still know how to see" he didn't care. She was all that mattered to him. If she was with him, he probably had more of a chance staying alive.

"It's just you and me" she decided. It hurt, but maybe she wouldn't make it too obvious. She could just... well maybe she wouldn't think about how yet. Paris and saving it was her passion. Adrien was her passion.

"It'll be us, It'll be us, and only us, and what came before won't count anymore. We can try that"

"You and me, that's all that we need it to be, and the rest of the world falls away" the smile on his face grew. "I love you, Marinette.

"And the rest of the world falls away" she echoed him as he pulled her into a hug.

"The world falls away" they breathed together.

"And it's only us."


End file.
